i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
