Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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