Just cropdusted the office
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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