I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So apparently I’m into choking now
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