i may or may not be watching the land before time
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize