i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
