Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
