Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
