He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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