I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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