Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
