my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
