I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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