Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
