I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize