my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
