why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
