just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
