I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
