what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
