That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
