Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
