i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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