it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
