hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
