maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
