i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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