____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
