bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
