he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
