After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
