My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
