youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
