Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So here I am, sexting at work.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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