My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
