Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
