So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
