how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize