Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
