yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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