Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
