absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
