i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
