Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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