hotel room ftw
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
