Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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