what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
