one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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