just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
