If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
