I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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