Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I touched a dick in church today
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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