I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize