She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize