I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
