She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
