Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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