We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize