p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Someone shattered a urinal.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
