ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
