I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
