If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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