I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
